I’m four episodes into ‘Fringe’. It has been recommended to me by many people, based on my love of weird supernatural sciencey stuff.
Being completely honest, after four episodes I’m still not sure how I feel about it. I have been unable to form a cohesive opinion. Whilst there are elements of the show which are fun and enjoyable, there are others that are less so, but it’s hard to put my finger on what specifically works and does not work.
So instead I’m going to let you make your own mind up, based on a selection of transcripts of scenes from the show. This took a lot of effort to get down so accurately, so I hope you appreciate it.
INT: FBI CAR MOVING AT HIGH SPEED
The BLONDE AGENT is speaking on her phone to BALD BOSS GUY.
BLONDE AGENT: What’s the situation?
BALD BOSS GUY: Something gross and mysterious happened at a place somewhere.
BLONDE AGENT: What time did it happen?
BALD BOSS GUY: Some time since the last episode.
BLONDE AGENT: What else can you tell me?
BALD BOSS GUY: Based on similarities to symptoms seen in Season Six, Episode Nine of ‘The X-Files’, we’re assuming there’s been an outbreak of an artificial virus.
BLONDE AGENT: Will it make for a compelling narrative?
BALD BOSS GUY: It did in ‘The X-Files.’
BLONDE AGENT: I’m on my way.
INT: BRICK-WALLED SCIENCE LAB
FATHER’S SON and SON’S FATHER are stood either side of a table.
SON’S FATHER: I was locked up in a mental institution for seventeen years.
FATHER’S SON (sarcastically): Oh, yeah, I totally forgot that since two hours ago, thanks for reminding me. *Rolls Eyes*
SON’S FATHER: Some of the Science I did before I was locked up for seventeen years in a mental institution involved creating artificial viruses to give fish the ability to count the moon.
FATHER’S SON (sarcastically): Oh, fantastic, that sounds really useful and pertinent to this case about artificial viruses. *Rolls Eyes* Did you happen to work on a cure for said artificial virus?
SON’S FATHER: ROOOOOOOOOOOOT BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER.
FATHER’S SON (sarcastically): Yeah, that’s great, thanks dad, super helpful.
SON’S FATHER: How long has it been since my last non-sequitur?
FATHER’S SON (sarcastically): Oh, I guess at least a few seconds.
SON’S FATHER: Well in that case, the early bird stomps three times before the coming of Shiva! I was in a mental institution for seventeen years.
EXT: DAYTIME – CITY STREETS
Blonde Agent and Father’s Son are walking hurriedly toward a gross and mysterious crime scene.
BLONDE AGENT: I feel sexually tense around you.
FATHER’S SON (sarcastically): Oh, yeah, I totally feel sexually tense around you too, fantastic.
INT: EXPENSIVE OFFICE
Blonde Agent and CORPORATION LADY are sat either side of a desk. Corporation Lady flexes her robo hand in a manner that is both suspicious and trustworthy.
BLONDE AGENT: Have you heard of this gross and mysterious thing happening before?
CORPORATION LADY: I can allude to knowing all about it, but I won’t actually tell you anything helpful. OR WILL I???
BLONDE AGENT: Why won’t you tell me everything?!?
CORPORATION LADY: I assure you, Blonde Agent, I am on your side. OR AM I????
BLONDE AGENT: You are a villain.
CORPORATION LADY: OR AM I????????????
BLONDE AGENT: Well, we stopped the gross and mysterious thing without your help anyway.
CORPORATION LADY: Well, you’ve done some excellent work, you’re great.
BLONDE AGENT: Huh, I was about to walk away from here thinking you’re a baddie, but you just spent the last three seconds being nice to me so I guess I trust you now.
CORPORATION LADY: OR DO YOU????????
BLONDE AGENT: I’m going home.
CORPORATION LADY: I just want attention.