BREAKING: Footage of HEROIC POLITICIAN Bravely Tackling JAPANESE TERRORIST To The Ground

FOOTAGE HAS EMERGED of a British politician and former cabinet member bravely tackling a violent, and potentially armed, Japanese terrorist to the ground.

Alexander Johnson, MP for Uxbridge And South Ruislip and formerly of the Foreign Office, was engaging in an international trade mission to Japan on behalf of the British Empire, when he was forced to courageously incapacitate a dangerous suspected terrorist.

Please note that the following footage depicts violence and scenes of a disturbing nature:

After the incident, Johnson claimed he was acting with instinct more than he was taking any kind of measured response, and that he was “fully convinced” that the violent terrorist was armed, and posed a “genuine threat” to other members of the trade delegation, and to the members of the public in attendance.

Whilst some have claimed that Johnson acted in a needlessly violent manner, and that his use of force was “entirely unjustified”, others have defended his actions, and even praised him for his decisive bravery.

Minister Of State Mark Field, MP, said:

“[Johnson] clearly did exactly what needed to be done in the heat of the moment. How else can we expect our political leaders to behave when confronted with a visibly armed assailant? People rarely understand the level of danger politicians, especially ministers, frequently find themselves in, and as a result it is often completely necessary to engage with and attempt to incapacitate any threat to the people around us. Everyday heroism, such as that of my esteemed colleague during his mission to Tokyo, is truly inspirational, and this serves as a reminder of how close those of us in the political class come to injury and death on a daily basis.”

Nonetheless, there have already been calls from the Labour opposition for Johnson to be suspended from office, with arguments being made that Britain should be represented overseas by a negotiator and a statesperson, and not a violent and unpredictable upper-class hooligan.

In any case, it seems Johnson will be honoured by the Conservative party for his actions against terrorism, and he will doubtless be remembered for years to come alongside similarly iconic acts of heroism, including:

  • Jonathan Aitken, who valiantly battled on behalf of truth and integrity in journalism
  • Jeffrey Archer, who also steadfastly fought to hold corrupt, and probably armed, journalists accountable for their lies
  • David Cameron, who made profound and and unflinching statements about unethical practices in the pork industry during his time as a student
  • Theresa May, who dedicated her youth to tackling the threat posed by dangerous, and potentially armed, members of the Triticum Aestivum terrorist cell

It is unknown if this incident will have any impact on Johnson’s candidacy in the upcoming Conservative Party leadership election – political pundits are uncertain of the possible effect of the above footage on the career of a man who owes his existing political career to a vaguely memorable performance on a satirical panel show.

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