Star Trek: Discovery’s ‘Point Of Light’ Returns To Fractal Stupidity

CONTENT WARNING – The bottom portion of this review contains disturbing images of mutilated infants. A second warning will be put up, but please proceed with caution.

And no, I can’t believe I have to write that warning on the review of a Star Trek episode, either.

Ohhhhh my God. Jesus. I was just, just, warming up to this show, and then BAM, it covers itself in stupid-sauce and jumps into a nest of stupid-wasps and then tries to numb the pain with a hefty dose of stupid-pills.

Did any of that make sense? No? Then I’ve set roughly the correct tone for a review of this toasty, grisly mess of a story.

This episode, ‘Point Of Light’, is what I’d call Fractally Stupid – it’s stupid on a basic, high level, but as you dig further into it, you realise that the stupidity extends to a greater and greater level of detail. It’s stupid all the way down – the closer you look, the more stupid you see.

It’s painful.

recruitment

My first complaint with this episode is that it’s nearly 50 minutes long and has roughly 90 billion storylines, none of which overlap. Given that fact, I’m going to make it easy for myself and break each one down, and carefully explain why each story is dumber than a bag of hammers.

Please note that there is so much stupid in this episode that I had to trim out a lot of it from this article. There’s also a lot of stylistic stuff, such as camera angles, dutch angles, terrible lighting, Klingons speaking English unintelligibly, the complete abandoning of several plotlines from last season, most notably the planet-destroying bomb that L’Rell controlls, L’Rell naming herself Khaleesi – the list goes on and on.

For now, I just want to focus on the chunkiest narrative aspects. Let’s dive in.


Michael Burnham: An Accessory To Spock

Alright, so we open with Burnham’s personal log, where she explains that she is yet to figure out the significance of the Seven Red Bursts-

sevensignals

Wait, shouldn’t that be Eight Red Bursts? Wasn’t the one in last episode a new one?

anothersignal

Did the writers just try to Shelby us again?

Anyway, Burnham can’t make any headway on the Red Bursts, not even with the help of Spock’s notes.

Where is Spock? Why, he’s in the psychiatric unit aboard Starbase 5. Which is precisely why Discovery went straight there after the end of last episode, where they established the absolute primacy of their mission, over and above Spock’s privacy or even Starfleet’s “General Order One”:

spocksprivacy

urgency

firstrule

Oh, wait, they didn’t go to Starbase 5. They were just flying around or something, I guess, because their mission probably isn’t that important.

Instead, Amanda, the 43-year-old mother of a 32-year-old Spock arrives after having just been to Starbase 5 and nicking Spock’s medical records, which leads to Pike getting in contact with Starbase 5 and learning that Spock allegedly murdered three people, escaped, and is now on the run.

Why wasn’t Discovery told about this? Because it was classified, or something. Which is why Starbase 5’s commander didn’t answer any of Pike’s calls. Except that he’s telling Pike now, because… Well, I can’t really figure out why he would tell him now, and not before.

He says:

signals

No, they do, asshole, they’re the whole reason Pike took command of Discovery, the reason he was able to violate the embargo on the Spore Drive as well as violate the Prime Directive. But now Starfleet has sort-of-but-not-really classified Spock’s case because:

files

Except that, the files only went missing because Amanda stole them. And Amanda only knew Spock was at Starbase 5 because… wait, hang on, nobody except Pike seemed to know he was at Starbase 5. Certainly neither Sarek nor Amanda knew, nor did Burnham. So how did Amanda know?

parentsnottold

spocksaidno

So:

  1. Did Pike radio in to Starfleet to ask about Spock, and they ignored him until…
  2. … Amanda found out, flew to Starbase 5 herself (faster than Discovery could instaneously spore-drive it’s way there from New Eden)…
  3. … and stole Spock’s records, causing Spock’s status to become classified?

Why would Starfleet obstruct the mission that they gave to Pike? If they have ulterior motives, then why assign him the advanced starship with the experimental drive that would facilitate his mission? If they don’t have ulterior motives, then why would they obstruct the mission?

But this is just a contradiction between a narrative that occurs over two episodes. Check out the contradiction in just these three lines of dialogue:

youknow

informed

anxious

  1. Burnham has to ask if Amanda knows about the signals, implying that they are not common knowledge.
  2. Amanda answers that Sarek told her specifically.
  3. Amanda then follows up by explaining that people are anxious to know what they are, implying that the signals ARE common knowledge.

This level of stupidity is so overwhelming that I genuinely find it quite taxing to get my mind around it. The writers of this show genuinely cannot maintain a single, coherent train of thought across three fucking lines of dialogue.

The rest of this story arc pretty much goes nowhere, beyond establishing that Spock had a vision of the Red Angel when he was a child, and that Burnham did something truly awful to him when he was younger as a means to protect him – which tracks true for Burnham’s mutinous “Chaotic Stupid” character alignment as established at the very start of the show.

The biggest takeaway from all of this is that the entire Burnham sub-plot was all about Spock, and not Burnham. We learn virtually nothing new about Burnham, beyond the fact that she was a colossal fuck-up as a youth as well as when she was a first officer. Also that she ran away one time. We sacrifice any opportunity to properly examine her own character, in lieu of exploring Spock, a character who is yet to appear in this show.

This narrative is dull, heavy on exposition, and does very little to advance the plot beyond sending Amanda on her merry way to find Spock herself. I’ll cover more of this narrative in my next character piece, which will be looking at Burnham specifically, but for now, we’re done with this little cul de sac of a story.

Onto the next.


Damn It, Tilly, I’m A Mycologist, Not A Spine Surgeon

Tilly is on the Command Training Program’s half-marathon exercise. One of many, because she apparently scores a PB:

personalbest

Oh, wait, she set a new course record, too:

courserecord

If she set a new course record, why is Burnham not mentioning that? Isn’t that the bigger achievement, as well as making the other two things obvious? Like, is it’s possible to set a course record and not beat your personal best on that course, and at the same time win? Whatever.

So, Tilly’s running with three other command trainees, and their coming is heralded by the computer announcing it like it’s fucking Red Alert or something, shutting off all the lights to boot:

marathonapproaching

This makes absolutely no fucking sense. I mean, it’s not as though they’re running on rough terrain, like an obstacle course or something, where the flashing lights might kind-of make sense, this just seems to be a fitness test on flat corridor floor panels. So the only reason for the lights to go out is to add dramatic, disorienting tension to Tilly’s confrontations with a ghost that’s haunting her.

Which is fine, if it’s something that happens solely within the context of Tilly struggling with the ghost. Except that the lights go out on Burnham, too, which means they’re actually getting switched off for some reason, which doesn’t make sense, which-

ARGH, WHATEVER

The point is, we later see Tilly wigging out on the bridge as this ghost, May, torments her, until Tilly shouts at her and then runs off in a nervous panic, which is understandable.

What isn’t understandable is the exchange that follows, where Tilly goes to her quarters, where Burnham is waiting, who explains that Saru has apparently been looking all over for Tilly despite the ship having internal sensors but WHATEVER, and then Tilly has a conversation with Burnham whilst being tormented by May the Ghost.

Tilly starts crying, and the ghost says that her eyes are dripping. Tilly then explains to Burnham that the ghost doesn’t know what tears are, to which Burnham responds:

whataretears

Exactly.

How can this ghost, which was able to extrapolate the image of an adult version of Tilly’s friend from high school that she knew for six months, and bring up a nickname (“Stilly”) that Tilly had forgotten, not know what crying is???

Especially given this line from when the ghost was introduced:

scary

How can it possibly know so much about Tilly’s life, and yet know know what crying is?

This leads Tilly to seek help from Stamets, who examines her and finds an interdimensional fungal infection attached to her nervous system:

mutlidimensionalfungalparasite

Look at that thing! All up and down her spine, her lungs, her… is… is it infecting her tits, too? Ah, whatever.

Stamets’ reaction to this?

Grab the nearest cask of dark matter, open the lid and just point it at Tilly, hoping it’ll suck the parasite out.

Y’know how it’s really difficult to safely remove parasites like ticks and leeches and even just athelete’s foot, because they root themselves into the outer layers of our bodies and need to be carefully removed just to avoid scarring?

This parasite is rooted in Tilly’s fucking brain stem and Stamet’s just yanks it out of her like an evangelist purging a demon. I mean look at this, he’s not even got the dark matter mounted to anything! He’s just holding it and waving it in her general direction, hoping for the best!

sucking

Bear in mind that it was exposure to dark matter that prompted the appearance of May in the first place, so what if this just fed the parasite instead of removing it?

What if as this parasite is removed, it rips a chunk of Tilly’s spinal column out with it? Or just fucks up her internal organs?

The point is, Stamets had no way to know, because there are literally, literally

37 SECONDS

between those two screenshots.

37 seconds between Stamets seeing a never-before-seen multidimensional fungal parasite, and him improvising a handheld solution to extracting it from Tilly’s central nervous system.

This thing is so wired into Tilly’s brain that it can conjure up images from the deepest parts of her long-term memory, and Stamets just casually tears it out of her without even speaking to a doctor first.

suck

This is, without a doubt, the STUPIDEST moment from all of Star Trek history. ALL of Star Trek history. I have never seen something this idiotic in my entire life.

So Stamets pulls a big snotty blob of goo out of Tilly’s spine and just throws it up into the air where Saru puts a forcefield up around it and…

… That’s it. That’s the last we see of the Discovery crew this episode, before we switch back to the Klingon Empire and the re-introduction of Section 31.


 

Klingon Power Struggles Klingons Struggling With Power

Do you like political intrigue? Drama? Difficult choices and forced compromises?

Then go watch some other show.

The Klingon plotline of ‘Point of Light’ tries so hard to be ‘Game of Thrones’ that damages itself in the process. It manages to be what ‘Game of Thrones’ would be, if everyone in Westeros was either Joffrey or a Pakled.

I’m going to try and cover this as succinctly as possible:

L’Rell is the High Chancellor. She is holding onto power through a few loyal family members and Ash/Voq, who acts as her de facto second-in-command.

The head of a rival Klingon House, Kol-Sha (whose son was Kol, the General of last season but whatever), seeks to challenge L’Rell and take the chancellorship away from her.

Kol-Sha shows up with red paint on his face, a sign of the old ways he represents:

oldway

L’Rell asks him to remove it, and he ignores her:

removehtepaint

So Ash tries to violently wipe the paint from Kol-Sha’s face:

removethepaintash

removepaint

Later, according to Kol-Sha:

begged

sensors

But… you didn’t beg her, Kol’Sha. She ordered you to remove it, and you refused.

Even if he’s just being metaphorical (a bit of a stretch) – was this his plan? To seize power? To turn up wearing paint filled with listening devices, so that L’Rell would ask him to remove it, he’d then refuse, and then her boyfriend would try to remove it himself?

What if L’Rell just didn’t give a shit about the paint?

What if she was like, “Huh, still wearing paint, I see. Anyway, here’s my economic recovery plan so that we don’t all starve to death after that immensely costly war.”

What was his next step?

Right, whatever, maybe he would just be to try something else, so, whatever. Whatever.

Whatever.

So then Kol-Sha uses these sensor thingies to learn two things:

  1. That Ash betrayed the Council to Burnham and the Federation.
  2. That Voq and L’Rell had a child.

With this knowledge, Kol-Sha decides to murder L’Rell and publicly release the recording of Ash betraying the Klingon Empire, taking L’Rell’s place on the grounds of treason committed by her second-in-command/lover/sworn protector.

Oh, no, wait, none of that happens.

Instead, Kol-Sha kidnaps L’Rell’s baby (a baby she cared so much about that she’s never met it) and then blackmails her into signing a form that would hand power over to him.

Klingons.

Kidnapping defenceless babies.

So they can blackmail their rivals.

Into signing a form.

Remind me again of how much ‘Discovery’ has done to explore Klingon culture and offer a new perspective.

sign

This then leads into a fight, in which L’Rell and Ash fight a bunch of Kol-Sha’s anonymous mooks for nearly ninety seconds of over-choreographed, poorly-lit swordplay, at the end of which more mooks arrive and they’re back where they started, making the whole thing completely fucking pointless anyway.

Seriously, these two images are before and after a massive, complex, poorly choreographed fight scene:

afterfight

beforefight

Except that they aren’t, I actually put them in the wrong order – the bottom one is the before shot. And if you couldn’t spot that, then that’s exactly my point.

Just to hammer the pointlessness of this fight home, Kol-Sha then just paralyses both L’Rell and Ash anyway:

stunning

He then proceeds to take the hand of the paralysed L’Rell and places it on “Transfer of Chancellorship Oversight Form P-627-B” and completes the process anyway:

signing

All of which means he could have just done that to begin with.

Why not just stun her before the fight?

When you go to steal the baby and leave L’Rell’s uncle hanging there, why not just lie in wait and ambush L’Rell, and then stun her?

Kol-Sha’s hologram was waiting for her to arrive, so he knew she was coming:

awaiting

So… Just stun her then?

To quote Mr. Plinkett:

Forcing someone to sign a [document] sort-of contradicts the purpose of a signature on a document. You might as well just forge it if you’re going to make her sign it.

I mean, Kol-Sha has the ability to hide sensors in paint and to paralyse two people who happen to be stood exactly either side of him, so I can assume he has the tech to just forge L’Rell’s thumb-signature. And even if he doesn’t, why both with kidnapping the baby if you’re just going to paralyse L’Rell anyway and then physically press her thumb onto the document anyway?

Which means the entire plot with the baby was utterly pointless. It didn’t need to be there, and could have easily been omitted in an episode that already had too many sub-plots.

Which leads me onto my next, distressing, point…


CONTENT NOTICE – This next section contains discussion and images of harm done to children, which may be distressing. Please do not proceed any further unless you are confident that you won’t be upset by it.


Dead Baby Jokes

I grew out of telling dead baby jokes about ten years ago. It happened when a friend pointed out that they’re actually pretty insensitive, and could be hurtful to people who have had to cope with the loss of a child. And even then, I didn’t stop immediately, it still took a while to phase that kind of joke out of my lexicon.

Now, I want to share with you a quote I included in an article I wrote waaaay back when:

nudity

So, nudity “just doesn’t feel right” for Trek. And let’s be clear, there are topless men all over the place. So what Aaron means is “female nudity.” Women’s nipples is apparently the thing that Trek isn’t ready for.

What Trek apparently IS ready for is images of decapitated babies.

We know this because such images appear in this episode, the penultimate scene of which involves High Chancellor L’Rell holding aloft the severed heads of both Ash and her infant child:

heads

head2

The one saving grace of this image is that it wasn’t *quite* as graphic as it could be.

The second is that technically, this is a genetically-perfect recreation of a baby’s head created by the sick fucks in Section 31, and not the baby itself.

The absolute condemnation of this scene is that is was completely unnecessary, and in no way required by the narrative.

Which is the definition of “gratuitous.”

L’Rell’s baby is brought into this story as an afterthought – a sub-sub-plot to the sub-plot of the Klingon power struggle. There’s nothing inherently wrong with introducing a child to the (already-problematic) relationship between L’Rell and Ash. But to introduce it, then use it for a gory and distressing visual, and then for the actual baby to just be put on a bus at the end as it’s transported down to some insular monastery, is just exploitative and really, really grim, and says a lot about what the creators of this show want to achieve with their story – which is, apparently, to shock and distress, rather than to provoke and inspire.


Section 31, Starfleet’s Most Famous Secret Undercover Intelligence Agency

stayanonymous
worldsgreatest
canthelp

There is so much I could talk about with Section 31 on an over-arching, meta level, but for the purposes containing the sheer volume of this already overly-long article, let’s just focus on what’s in this episode, and this episode alone.

So, Emperor Georgiou appears at the exact moment that Kol-Sha is about to execute Ash. She seems to phase through a wall, so it’s possible that she was there all along, watching the fight happen.

She reveals herself in order to kill Kol-Sha, L’Rell’s would-be usurper, and reinforce L’Rell’s position as a puppet tyrant installed by Starfleet using weapons of mass destruction.

staysintheseat

If Georgiou only just arrived, then it’s an awfully convenient coincidence that she turned up exactly at the split-second that Ash was about to get stabbed. That would be a rubbish bit of TV-writing.

If Georgiou had been there the whole time and was waiting for the right moment… Why didn’t she step in before Kol-Sha paralysed L’Rell and forced her signature out of her, thereby transferring her power to him?

In fact, why didn’t Georgiou step in during the massive fight when, L’Rell could have been easily stabbed in the face or decapitated or something?

If she didn’t want to risk getting hurt herself and needed the element of surprise, then why didn’t she step in just before the fight, when everyone was in the exact same position as they were before?

None of her motivations match her actions. Which makes this whole thing stupid.

But that’s not the only thing that’s stupid.

Section 31, a highly clandestine, super-secret, xenophobic intelligence agency within the Federation. They rely on absolute secrecy to achieve their objectives.

Absolute secrecy.

To maintain their veil of secrecy, they take the following actions:

  1. Hiring “misfits” and “freaks”, i.e. people with atypical behaviour which by definition makes them stand out.
  2. Hiring one of Starfleet’s most highly-decorated and presumably recognisable captains, Philippa Georgiou.
  3. Hiring Ash Tyler, someone guilty of treason against both the Federation and, now, the Klingon Empire.
  4. Wearing distinctive black badges marking them out as Section 31.

This… is just stupid. Just so, so stupid. The Archer comparison above is being generous.

misfits

The whole purpose of a secret agency is to remain secret. If you starting bringing along people who stand out from a crowd, and you have your own publicly-recognisable insignia… aren’t you defeating the point?

decorations

Section 31 should be made up of all of your most average-looking, run-of-the-mill, ruthless sociopaths. People who blend into a room, who are remarkable for being unremarkable.

freaks

They shouldn’t even have insignia badges, they should have either standard Starfleet badges, or none at all. They should just make themselves look like a civilian organisation. Or not even an organisation at all. They should be small cells, maybe just a few independent agents, compartmentalised and scattered across the galaxy.

blackbadges

But now, they have a distinctive-looking badass starship with big folding nacelles and its own crew. Hell, they’ve probably got a fleet of them. That’s just how secretive they are.

s31ship

I mean, why even bother with the intentionally ambiguous and nondescript name “Section 31”? You may as well just calls yourselves “Starfleet Black Ops” or “Swastika Squadron” at this point.


Stupid All The Way Down…

This episode may have broken me.

It was so dumb in so many ways, I could write another three articles at least this long just about Burnham’s and Tilly’s sub-plots.

More than anything, this episode was just kinda boring. It didn’t excite or thrill the way you might expect from a high-budget, dumb-but-fun blockbuster-style story. It just shocked and distressed.

I’m worried now that ‘New Eden’ was a fluke, that the glimmer of hope it offered was just a mirage, or worse, an intentional tease, of what this show will never be.

We’ll have to check in next week to see.

‘Star Trek: Re/Discovery’ – Battle at the Binary Stars Part 4

The previous instalment can be found here.


Aboard the U.S.S. Buran, in orbit over a vibrant, colourful planet, Gabriel Lorca sits in the captain’s chair in the middle of the bridge. Around him, officers carry on with business as usual. The door to the main turbolift slides open, and a tall, skinny young officer steps out, wearing a crisp, clean Ops uniform.

Lorca turns in his chair to face the new arrival. “Lieutenant Tyler! Is it third watch already?”

“It is, captain, nearly. Thought I’d get here early for once.”

“Well, we’re just about to launch exploratory carto-drones, which is my favourite bit. You wouldn’t mind if I kept the chair for a little longer, would you?” Lorca asks, with a wink.

Tyler chuckles. “I suppose not, sir, I think I can let you off this once.”

“Great!” Lorca says, and turns back to face the viewscreen. “Whilst you’re here, we can talk about the quality of your tactical reports.”

“Sir?”

“You ever proof-read these things?” Lorca asks, waving a datapad at Tyler. “Sixteen spelling errors on the first page alone. You put so many commas in each sentence that it looks like the damn things are growing out of the text themselves. And listen, just listen, to this: ‘Phaser array efficiency rates, are decreasing at an increasing rate, through increasing rate cycles, but not at a rate, that would cause increased concern, over an increasing time period, within the same time period. We need to identify how to get these rates back to green rating, and how we will achieve this.’ It’s garbage, Tyler, you can do better.”

Some of the crew on the bridge watch in amusement. Tyler hangs his head. “I’m sorry sir. I didn’t realise it was that important.”

“That important? Tyler, this is written language we’re talking about here, the greatest tool in all our history. Shakespeare, Melville, Joyce, Austen, Lennon, Knowles, Lincoln, Obama, and that’s just English! Descartes, Confucius, Nanak, Tolstoy, Mann, Surak, T’Pau. We know their names because of how they used language, Tyler, so how about a little more respect for your words?”

Tyler stands straight. “Yes sir!”

Lorca smiles. “Good! Now get to your station.”

Before Tyler can move, the comms officer pipes up. “Captain! I’m receiving a priority one request for assistance. It’s the Shenzou, sir, she’s called for reinforcements at System JWST-86690.”

“The Shenzhou? What’s Philippa gotten herself into now?” he ponders, leaning forwards and clasping his hands together. “Send a response, acknowledge request and give them our anticipated time of arrival, which is, helm?”

“Roughly one hour and twenty-seven minutes, captain,” the helm officer answers. “Course already laid in.”

“Good job. Recall the drone – it looks like our little cartography mission will have to wait.” He runs a hand through his hair. “JWST-86-whatever. You ever noticed, Tyler, how these emergencies and distress calls are always somewhere remote and bleak? There’s never a towel shortage on Ryza, never a whisky surplus on Islay. I dream of the day we get called out to somewhere like Threnixis IV.”

“Threnixis? I’ve never been, sir.”

“Never, Tyler? Now that is a shame. Best sailing in the quadrant on the southern ocean, you’d be in heaven.”

Tyler grins. “Well, then the next shoreleave I get, I’ll be sure to spend it at sea.” He gazes view on the main screen. “Do you think the Shenzhou is in trouble, captain?”

“Oh, I’m sure they’ll be alright,” Lorca answers, smiling. “I know Captain Georgiou. She doesn’t like to lose.”


On to Part 5.


The biggest revelation of this scene: Lorca is well into Beyoncé. That should be canon. I may send a letter to the writers asking them to write it into season 2.

Not much going on here, but with Georgiou and Burnham having just been knocked out (or maybe killed? Probably just knocked out) following a dramatic fight scene, now is a good moment to take a quick breather and have a look at what everyone else is doing, prior to the inevitable war.

I just started my fifth re-watch of the ‘Battlestar Galactica’ re-imagined series, starting with the miniseries from 2003. We don’t spend lots of time seeing pre-war Colonial life, but we see enough to get a grasp on what’s been lost once the nukes have landed. I felt an issue with ‘Discovery’ was that we didn’t see enough of life in Starfleet before the war to appreciate the impact on life during the war. This is an attempt to rectify that a little.

This is also an attempt to bring forward the introduction of two of the most important characters to the very beginning of the story. Having Tyler and Lorca know each other just seems right to me – demonstrate in them a mentor/mentee relationship that can mirror Burnham and Gerogiou’s, except that this time, it’s the student, Tyler, who will be lost to the war, rather than the teacher.

Although I wanted to include the Mirror-Lorca plotline for the sake of proving my point, as I go through this re-write I’m realising more and more how difficult that is to implement. It just comes out of nowhere from a narrative perspective. The story is and should be about the war, and Burnham’s path to redemption.

Tyler’s role as a sleeper agent actually fits perfectly into the war arc, because it follows naturally that the Klingons would try infiltration as a means of attacking their enemies. But the Mirror Universe just has so little to do with it, that it really ought to be in its own series-long narrative, separate to any war with the Klingons.

And I am realising, as I write the interaction between Lorca and Tyler during peacetime, that there’s so much more drama and meaning that could be derived from Lorca being a grief-stricken captain who lost his crew, and subsequently loses his way, than there is from him being replaced by his evil clone in a random accident.

‘Star Trek: Discovery’ is a Show About People in Rooms, Talking

This is a subtle issue. Subtle to the point that I may just be making it up. I could be completely wrong. I’m just going to throw it out there and see if it sticks.

‘Star Trek: Discovery’ is a show full of people in rooms, talking.

I can already hear your objections, and your cries to the effect “so is basically every show, dickwad, what were you expecting?”

The best way to explain this is by example. And for once, I’m going to compare ‘Discovery’ to itself. I’m not going to bring in external sources, and I’m not going to hold it up to the standard of previous Trek shows. Just ‘Discovery’ – it’s best, versus its worst.


Storytelling Done Right

The very, very opening of ‘Discovery’, waaaaay way back when Captain Georgiou was a role model and not a cliché, before we even had that fucking awful opening theme song inflicted upon us, had a great little scene. A few parts of that cold-open were a bit shonky, but there was a great bit at the end where, unable to communicate their location to the ship, Georgiou starts walking randomly in the sand.

As she and Burnham walk, they talk about how they would react to being stuck on the planet, but there’s a dynamic to the scene created by the fact that Georgiou is clearly up to something, and Burnham can’t understand what it is. There’s a power tilt, which ultimately ends in the reveal of the Shenzhou and Georgiou’s plan all along – to trace out the Starfleet emblem in the sand.

It’s a good moment.

Here are some other good moments throughout the series:

  • In the second episode, Burnham negotiating her escape from the destroyed brig with an impassive, disembodied computer that is bound by simple rules. She’s clearly smarter than the supercomputer, but also completely at its mercy.
  • When the away team boards the Glenn in the third episode, ‘Context is for Kings’, and meets the shushing Klingon, followed by the tardigrade chase. The scene shifts from muted tension to dramatic action via a bit of humanising light-heartedness.
  • The final Mudd scene in ‘Magic to Make the Sanest Man Go Mad’ is total garbage because of the “And now your punishment – a girlfriend!” element, but the lead-up to it, with Mudd strolling the corridors with the three Starfleet officers, completely confident of his own dominance, only to have the rug pulled out from underneath him, makes for a great shift in authority.
  • If I’m being honest, most of the structure of ‘Magic to Make…’ is fantastic, with lots of interplay, lots of interaction and lots of development happening within the scenes themselves. It’s just the content that ends up being dumb.

The thing that makes these scenes great is that they develop and change in their own right – specifically, the characters’ states are different at the end of the scene to at the beginning. Following in order:

  • Burnham and Georgiou go from being lost on an abandoned planet, to Burnham having learned more about Georgiou’s ingenuity in a time of crisis.
  • Burnham goes from being imprisoned, helpless, with eight minutes of oxygen, to having conned her way out of the brig to freedom.
  • The away team goes from calmly exploring a dead ship to literally running for their lives.
  • Mudd goes from being a cunning, sadistic criminal in total command of the situation to falling for a con himself, with the Starfleet officers transitioning from being hostages on their own ship to being back in control.

Now, not every scene has to have these changes in state – it’s perfectly fine to have a more sedate bit of exposition every once in a while. And sometimes, characters don’t change physical state or power state at all – it can just be an emotional change that they experience.


Storytelling Done Wrong

The end of Episode Twelve, ‘The Wolf Inside’ (Jesus Christ these episode titles are trash – I never thought it was possible to sink lower than ‘Operation: Annihilate!’, but apparently I was wrong. ‘The Wolf Inside’ just sounds like a lycanthrope’s memoir, or maybe a new computer processor company. Fuck me, I mean, reading the episode list is like reading the back of a power metal concept album, look at this shit:

  • ‘The Vulcan Hello’ – a slow-paced melodic ballad about a village blacksmith and his various creations.
  • ‘Battle at the Binary Stars’ – a grand, orchestral operatic piece about the triumph of Azanog, Champion of the Star League.
  • ‘Context is for Kings’ – Drums and heavy vocals dominate this tale of two warring kingdoms and the plight of their peasant soldiers.
  • ‘The Butcher’s Knife Cares Not For The Lamb’s Cry’ – Slow-tempo mystic piece describing the dark rituals done in the name of Unholy Maganoth the Despoiler.
  • ‘Choose Your Pain’ – High-energy thrash song with a great hook and chorus.
  • ‘Lethe’ – A soldier lost in a strange land of fairies and elves, with no memory of who he is or where he came from. Some great bass riffs.
  • ‘Magic to Make the Sanest Man Go Mad’ – Wonderful operatic piece with guest vocals by Christopher Lee.
  • ‘Si Vis Pacem, Para Bellum’ – A cover of Black Sabbath’s ‘War Pigs’, with Latin lyrics sung in Gregorian chant.
  • ‘Into the Forest I Go’ – Yet another fucking song about ‘Alice in Wonderland’, seriously, that’s like twelve this year already. Nice guitar solo at the end.
  • ‘Despite Yourself’ – Duet between the lead band’s singer, and the frontman of Axebite; could’ve done without the flute segments.
  • ‘The Wolf Inside’ – Literally just a song about a werewolf.
  • ‘Vaulting Ambition’ – Weird, spoken-word track covering the rise of Azanog and his subsequent descent into Lovecraftian madness. Should’ve stayed on the B-side.

Where the fuck was I? Oh, rubbish scenes, right.)

So anyway, at the end of ‘The Wolf Inside’ Ash Tyler the Human reveals that he was actually Mr Lammers, the theme park manager all along. Sorry, no, that he was actually Voq the Klingon all along. Which is fine. But the scene itself is so dull, and it’s difficult to describe why, but here goes:

At the beginning of the scene, Burnham is angry and confused that Ash started speaking Klingon and attacked Mirror-Voq. At the end of the scene, Burnham is angry and confused that Ash said he was Voq. Somewhere in the middle he attacks her and gets knocked out, but most of the scene is just the two of them talking, with some sporadic cut-aways that are indicative of Ash losing it, and that we’ve already seen.

The thing is, nothing in the scene is surprising – particularly because Ash’s reveal is so heavily telegraphed, but also because once it happens, of course he’s going to attack Burnham and start doing evil shit. And of course he’s not going to get away with it because of that meddling Kelpian (also the fact he’s on a ship literally full of genocidally xenophobic arseholes).

The alternative seems, to me, to be obvious – have him actually do something, not just stand there talking. Maybe he and Burnham are in a firefight with the alien rebels when Ash gets set off, leaving Burnham stuck between her once-lover-now-traitor and a bunch of Vulcans and Andorians who want to kill her.Maybe she’s in a stand-off with a murderous subordinate keen to advance up the Terran ranks by assassinating her; at first, Ash has her back, giving her the upper hand, before he goes completely rogue and starts attacking all of the humans that he sees.

There are lots of ways that Ash’s revelation could have been explored in a more interesting fashion, and the same goes for Lorca’s big reveal in ‘Vaulting Ambition’. Sure, there’s the bit where Lorca breaks out of the Agony Booth, but the actual reveal, the revelatory bit for Burnham, is just another scene of her and the Emperor in a different room, talking. Why not have Burnham figure it out as Lorca is being brought to the Emperor, right after she’s convinced the Emperor to release Lorca because she thought he wasn’t his mirror counterpart?

Christ, all this subterfuge makes these sentences hard to parse.

This kind of flat, dull non-scene is sadly endemic throughout the series. Here are a few more examples:

  • In ‘Choose Your Pain’, the bridge crew watch Lorca’s fighter escaping the Klingon ship whilst Saru says some stuff, then they beam Lorca and Ash aboard.
  • Also in ‘Choose Your Pain’, Burnham and Tilly “heal” the Large-igrade by saying a prayer over it.
  • Christ, also in ‘Choose Your Pain’, rather than any actual experiments being done, the solution to navigating without the Large-igrade is explored by three people standing in a line, talking.
  • Also in ‘Lethe’, multiple playfights between Sarek and Burnham are punctuated with conversation, but ultimately change nothing.
  • The finale of ‘Into the Forest I Go’ is an “epic fight” between Burnham and Kol, two people who have never met and who have no relationship, and the fight itself ends in stalemate.
  • In ‘Despite Yourself’, we get one scene of Burnham explaining the Mirror Universe to everyone, followed by another scene, after everyone has just rushed to the bridge, in which Burnham continues to explain that Tilly is the captain. Surely a much more fun way to do that would have been to simply have the other ship ask to speak to Captain Tilly? Have a mad rush to find her, get her on the bridge, brief her along the way? This scene also ends up failing to advance the plot.
  • In ‘The Wolf Inside’, Burnham talks with Lorca by having the brig cleared out and taking him out of the booth – not that we see any of that. Why not have her try to talk to him whilst making it look like an interrogation in front of her crew?
  • Also in ‘The Wolf Inside’, Burnham and Tyler beam down to the rebel planet, establish a tense ceasefire, maintain a tense ceasefire, Ash and Voq fight which changes nothing, everyone stays sat down in the tent, the scene ends in a tense ceasefire.
  • ALSO in ‘The Wolf Inside’, after spacing TyVoq, Burnham has Lorca brought to her ready room so she can “interrogate” him. They sit at a table, talking.
  • In ‘Vaulting Ambition’, Burnham meets Emperor Georgiou in the latter’s Throne Room. They talk. Then they go up to the Emperor’s dining room, and talk. Georgiou decides to kill Burnham, so they go back down to the Throne Room, and talk some more. A few nameless people we’ve never met get murdered. Followed by more talking. The ultimate outcome of the entire episode is that Georgiou probably won’t kill Burnham, for now.
  • Also in ‘Vaulting Ambition’ (there’s been a lot of shite in just three episodes) Stamets and Mirror Stamets wander around an imaginary spaceship. Talking. Then Stamets meets the mushroom-ghost of his dead husband. They do kiss (for the third time in ten episodes) but mostly they talk. After enough talking, Stamets wakes up from his mushroom coma.

These scenes all contain perfectly good performances, fine acting, some really ropey dialogue (but that’s forgivable) and some nice-ish sets and costumes. But the scenes themselves are just straight-line, A-to-B affairs: get in, deliver the necessary plot information / characterisation, get out, onto the next.

This is way too subjective a topic for the nearly-nineteen-hundred words I’ve already written, and your mileage may absolutely vary, but I spend so much time watching ‘Discovery’ just bored, waiting for the next plot development to get shat out by whichever character happens to be talking at the opportune moment.

The same is true of the action scenes, some of which I’ve included above. Action scenes are great when they radically change a situation and allow us to learn a lot more about our characters. When they’re just inserted in there to break up the talking scenes, they end up being just as boring, no matter how flashily they’re choreographed.

The test is this – what are the characters actually doing? Are they just talking? Or are they negotiating, bargaining, teaching? Are they outsmarting or tricking or even conning? Are they threatening, or defying?

The same with fights – what are they fighting about? What are they fighting for? What are the stakes? What’s the history between the fighters? Who wins the fight, and why do they win the fight?

These questions outline, for me, ‘Discovery’s greatest weakness so far – so much of the dialogue is info-dump. So much of the action has zero consequences. More of the story is driven by things that happen off the screen, or out of our characters’ hands – but that’s another article for another day.

‘Star Trek: Discovery’ Has Mental Health Problems, and That Isn’t A Joke

With the “revelations” over the last two episodes of ‘Star Trek: Discovery’ that neither Ash nor Lorca suffer from PTSD, but are in fact evil adversarial agents under false pretences, two things have become apparent:

  • In the universe of ‘Star Trek: Discovery’, the symptoms of PTSD and other mental health issues are indistinguishable from villainy.

  • In the universe of ‘Star Trek: Discovery’, a bloody war full of torture and violence has no visible long-term mental health effects on any of our main characters.

These are both problems, and for separate reasons.

Please note that this article is going to talk a lot about mental health issues, a topic with which I am intimately familiar and yet which I am woefully unqualified to discuss fully. There are numerous resources to learn more about this sort of thing; a quick google search will return many results which can teach a great deal about the subject.


PTSD As a Gimmick

So, first off, there’s the issue of PTSD being presented as something synonymous with malignance and perfidy. I have no doubt that PTSD and its effects have led to a lot of problems in our primitive society, but in a Utopian future vision of humanity, I rather hope that it would be seen for exactly what all mental health issues are: a painful and disruptive condition with life-changing effects for the victim and their loved ones.

cornwellbattle

Instead, we are told in reasonably certain terms that PTSD is in fact analogous to the behaviour of sadistic liars and sleeper agents, reinforcing the already-pervasive view that people suffering from it are untrustworthy, antisocial liabilities. The truth is that people who develop PTSD are no more evil than they were before their symptoms started appearing – even if they do exhibit behaviours that can be challenging in certain situations.

Put another way, if you’re one of the 7.8% of people in the world have or will suffer from PTSD at some point in your life, what this show is telling you is that to a trained psychiatric professional like Admiral Cornwell, as well as an entire team of doctors from the future, you are indistinguishable from either a power-hungry, ruthless madman, or an amnesiac alien spy from a species of bloodthirsty cannibal-warriors.

That, to me, is unacceptable, even for a show that revels in gore, violence towards women and poor-taste depictions of sexual assault.


Missed Potential

The war setting of ‘Star Trek: Discovery’ is prominent throughout its first nine episodes. We don’t actually see very much of this war, but we do see a few effects, notably an array of injuries, scars and wounds (most prominently shown by Detmer), but we see no long-term emotional effects of any of these horrors of war.

K._Detmer

We do see Saru emotionally compromised on the Harmony Planet, but given that he’s a weird alien who is scared all of the time, I don’t know that this counts – particularly since it gets no follow-up in future episodes.

But there could have been real potential in portraying a crew of scientists and explorers dealing with the emotional fallout of the war in which they find themselves. Like, that could have been a big theme of the series. If any of the minor cast got more than one functional line per episode, we might have learned a little more about them and consequently how well they were coping, and what kind of support environment exists in the future to get people through PTSD and related issues. If it was well-handled, it might have ended up being one of Star Trek’s finest moments.

As it is, we go from having a possible two people who suffer from mental health issues to literally zero people who suffer from mental health issues. As someone who struggles with depression every day, I would’ve liked to see a member of a Starfleet crew who found it difficult to cope, but who was supported by progressive mental health programs, and by their understanding friends and colleagues, and who managed to contribute to missions and to the crew’s success.

Instead, everyone who might be affected by those kind of issues is either predominantly mute, raised by Vulcans, in a coma or is some kind of traitor or spy, and we get no meaningful exploration of their emotional or mental state whatsoever. And I think that’s a shame, personally.

‘Star Trek: Discovery’ Vaults Ambition and Common Sense with its Third Mirror Universe Episode

Credit where it is due.

The writers of ‘Discovery’ did an excellent job of setting up Lorca’s SURPRISE TWIST REVEAL. I mean, they actually put the ground work in, and now all that stuff I said about him being the worst captain ever bears true by design, Fair enough, bravo.

But that’s about as far as I’m happy to go in terms of credit. Here are the immediate observations:

  • Why does the Terran Empire, possessing no knowledge of functional Spore Drives, have a ship identical to the U.S.S. Discovery, a vessel custom-designed with moving saucer segments specifically for the Spore Drive? Did they build it just to hedge their bets, in case they one day discovered an as-yet unknown technology which would require that exact design? THIS IS WHY THE MIRROR UNIVERSE IS DUMB, AND GOOD ONLY FOR NOVELTY ONE-OFF EPISODES.
    • Don’t get me wrong, the Mirror Universe ships appearing identical to their Prime counterparts is still nonsensical, but at least it’s semi-rationalised by them at least being based on the same tech – they all have warp drives, and shields, and phasers and torpedoes, for example. It just doesn’t work with tech that’s unique, like the Spore Drive.
  • Emperor Georgiou’s little spinning DRAMATIC-REVEAL podium was just cheap and ridiculous enough to be adorable. It doesn’t even have a chair, she just had to stand there until she’s been hyped up enough.
  • No Detmer this episode. Or any other women. Just Georgiou, Burnham, L’Rell and Tilly. Tilly is back on form, talking about Stamets’ “dewy skin” and contributing literally nothing else.
  • Saru has gone from “Scared of everything” to “Indifferent to everything.” But then, he’s got to deal with two sub-plots on his own (Stamets and AshVoq) so maybe he don’t got time for fear.
  • Michelle Yeoh was on form again, serving to remind us that she really ought to have been in this show throughout.
  • Emperor Georgiou calls Burnham up to her dining room to feed her stewed Kelpian, call her a traitor and then send her back down to the throne room for a private execution. I honestly think this was just another chance for the writers to mess around with cannibalism.

emperorgeorgiou

  • I really miss the days where the Mirror Universe was a chance for the regular actors to have fun – it was great seeing Mirror Kirk screaming his head off in the Prime Brig, or Mirror Sulu being the slimiest red-piller in the central finite curve, or Mirror Kira trying to fuck anything with a pulse. It’s less fun when everyone is just as boring as their regular selves, but slightly more sadistic. Michelle Yeoh and Anthony Rapp give great performances this episode, but it would’ve been nice to see them chewing the scenery a bit more.
  • Lorca’s reveal is played for dramatic weight, much as with Ash’s reveal. And, just as with Ash’s reveal, a lot of that weight turns out to be insubstantial, as the audience was already aware of the twist and was merely waiting for the reveal.
    • Both of these arcs are very similar, and I find it strange that they were both included. It would have been much more interesting if their duplicitous natures were made clear from the onset, and then used throughout the series to add tension to pivotal scenes – e.g. will this be the moment that they reveal who they are, and how will the crew react to that? Instead, Lorca is just a terrible captain and Ash is just a troubled Human, both depicted as a result of mental health issues, and both ultimately explained in reasonably dull reveal scenes.
    • For reference, see the mid-2000’s reboot of ‘Battlestar Galactica’. Boomer, the Cylon sleeper agent, is revealed for what she is at the end of the pilot. Throughout the entire rest of the first season, they use this to lace otherwise-pedestrian scenes with a huge degree of tension. It culminates with an incredibly shocking finale, in which Boomer attempts to assassinate Admiral Adama, who subsequently spends the first three episodes of Season Two fighting for his life on a hospital bed, with Boomer herself locked in the brig, completely unaware of what she had done. For every action, multiple consequences. Jesus, talk about great television.
  • The Klingon war gets brought up this episode, but to all intents and purposes that entire plot thread is irrelevant to these three episodes in the Mirror Universe – and presumably will be until the end of the season. Which means we had this huge storyline which was barely explored, got a flaccid finale with a non-antagonist, only for it to be ditched in favour of something silly and unrelated.

That’s enough bullet points for now. Further analysis to follow sometime soon.

‘Star Trek: Discovery’ is Shockingly Predictable with ‘The Wolf Inside’

This is a summary, rather than a full article, as there’s so much that I want to cover right now that if I were to fully explore my thoughts on ‘Discovery’ so far, I would be writing until I died from ice-cream-induced heart attack (so about three weeks).


  • Well, it turns out the real Klingon was inside of Ash all along.
  • Who.
  • Would.
  • Have.
  • Guessed.
  • Certainly not me.
  • Okay, maybe I guessed a little. I think my suspicions started when, at the end of Episode Four we saw L’Rell telling Voq that he was “about to go through some changes”, and in Episode Five we see L’Rell with some rando human sex slave on her prison ship. And then we didn’t see Voq for the entire rest of the series.
  • Still though, WHAT A TWIST.
  • For a “faceless” leader renowned for her anonymity, Emperor Georgiou really likes to micromanage.
  • But it is nice to see Michelle Yeoh back
  • Even if it’s not surprising.
  • “We still live and die by Federation law,” says Saru, in full knowledge of the fact that Lorca has been tortured for seventy-two hours straight whilst Burnham and Ash make bumpies with their pelvises and sleep in silk sheets.
  • And, they’re going to take Ash to a tribunal. Except he’s either A) Been brainwashed, so get him to a medical facility, or B) he’s literally a Klingon spy in disguise. Those are the only options, there is no “He suddenly decided to turn traitor on his shipmates, learn fluent Klingon and dedicate himself to a foreign religion in the space of a day” option.
  • I will concede, I was really, really glad to finally see Tilly being plot-relevant after a painfully long period of her barely counting as comic relief.
  • Sarek’s goatee was a cheap means of winning over the fans. It also totally worked, I loved it.
beardsarek
Your loins are no match for sexiness of this magnitude.
  • Burnham poses as the captain of the Shenzhou so she can get the files on the Defiant. Except that the files are encrypted. Even though she’s the highest-ranked officer on the ship. So if nobody is to read the files, why are they even on the ship? Or if the captain is meant to have access to them, why doesn’t she? If she can’t remember (never knew) any of the access codes, how would she even be able to do anything on the ship at all?
  • Burnham and Tyler intentionally beam down to the hostile planet five hundred metres away from the rebel stronghold. Into open terrain. And then act surprised when they get ambushed.
  • Probably the most boring “I-was-an-evil-agent-all-along” reveal scene I’ve ever witnessed. Just two people in a room, talking. So much of ‘Discovery’ features two (occasionally three) people just stood around talking about something that the audience hasn’t even seen. There are so many more interesting ways Tyler could have revealed himself to Burnham, instead he just monologues awkwardly at her for five minutes then tries to strangle her. Thrilling.
  • Apparently ‘The Expanse’ isn’t enough, they now also need to steal execution methods from ‘Battlestar Galactica’. (Okay, now I’m just whinging.)
  • No, wait, the whole Tyler arc is just Boomer’s from BSG. Jesus Christ.
  • HOLY CRAP, AND THE WHOLE POINT WAS THEM HAVING A PLAN WHEN THEY REALLY DIDN’T ALL ALONG. I mean, seriously, what exactly was Voq supposed to do? All he did was shag Burnham and be an incredibly suspicious liability. What the hell was the point of him turning into Tyler at all? Besides to have a “big surprising twist reveal”?
  • As outraged as I am, I am still happy to meme the shit out of it for internet points:
  • TYLON
  • The Andorians get yet another overhaul in aesthetic. As do the Tellarites. At this point, it’s only humans and pointy-eared humans who have not been hit with the update stick. But we can’t be more than one or two reboots away from seeing bumpy-headed Vulcans.
  • Seriously, three days. He was getting tortured for THREE. DAYS. Here’s what Burnham got up to during those three days:
    • Was bathed by an actual body slave.
    • Spectated on some good old fashioned capital punishment.
    • Shagged her boyfriend.
    • Slept.
    • Gave moody monologues.
    • Downloaded some data onto a USB stick.
  • Mirror Mind-Stamets appears. Because the one thing we need right now, between the Klingon spy, his imprisoned Klingon mate, the probable Mirror Lorca, Burnham meeting all her dead friends, and also some other bullshit, is yet another weird and metaphysical plot thread.
  • How come we still haven’t seen the tardigrade? Oh, right, he’s going to come back and Tardigrade Machina them back home, isn’t he?
  • Detmer and Burnham finally, finally, have an actual conversation. They talk about Burnham’s (presumably ex-) boyfriend. This is the eleventh episode in which these two bridge officers have both appeared in the same room.
  • There are still four more episodes. I’m not sure how well I will hold up.
  • Probably not well.

A Mirror Lorca, a Human Voq: ‘Star Trek: Discovery’ Twists, Spoilers and Fan Theories

Just a quick one tonight, ahead of the next episode of ‘Star Trek: What Could Have Been’. I want to cover some of the possible plot threads we face for the show, based on the past six episodes. I’ve done something like this previously, but that was a broader view of the direction the show itself might take. Suffice to say, I did not predict the show becoming the specific problem child it has turned into.

But enough of the past, let’s look to the future.


Ash the Human, Voq the Klingon

So, it’s more-or-less confirmed at this point that Ash Tyler, played by the British actor Clem Fandango, is in fact Voq in disguise. From the fact that Voq’s listed actor literally doesn’t exist, to the fact that Voq’s competent lampshade L’Rell, three weeks after joining Voq in exile, is suddenly now the captain of the battlecruiser on which Ash Tyler is kept. Or the fact that everyone keeps saying that Ash the Human fought like a Klingon. Or the fact that-

Look, whatever, let’s just talk about the trouble the creators went to so they could disguise this TOTALLY UNTELEGRAPHED MASSIVE PLOT TWIST OH WOWIE.

Because as soon as we see L’Rell without Voq, there’s a good chance that means Voq’s up to something, given L’Rell told him literally in the very last episode that her matriarchal House of Spies And Deceivers (Oh? Really? The women get to be in charge of lying and treachery? Nice one, that’s a progressive change of pace) would totally help him out or whatever.

So why bother with the out-of-universe subterfuge for such an obvious revelation? Especially if we’re going to have it teased in the dialogue throughout? If you’re not going to particularly try to hide the twist, what’s the point in even having a twist?

What’s worse is that Voq attempting to integrate into a human ship, disguised as a human, would actually be an amazing long-running character arc. You could ramp up the tension with every scene, you could have awkward little moments, you could do all sorts of things to explore the human condition in an intellectually engaging manner.

And there’s the rub. “Intellectually engaging.” My guess is, the show’s writers decided that having a big, dramatic reveal would be more commercially successful than introducing a complex scenario that would actually tax the brains of the viewers. Because then everyone would run to twitter with the hashtag #didntseethatcoming and #wowwhatagreattwist and #ifklingonsarentrealthenhowarepeoplereal. And y’know what? They’re probably right. A big GOTCHA twist is much more likely to “trend” or “go viral” or whatever than anything remotely interesting.

Of course, I could be wrong, and it could be that once he was captured, it was actually Lorca who was replaced by / brainwashed to be a spy for the Klingons. Maybe it will turn out that all this messing around with Voq is a huge double-bluff, and that actually the REAL SPY WAS TILLY ALL ALONG or something stupid. And this could be okay, but it’s sort-of just the same thing as above – it’s a slightly more complex twist that nevertheless derives its value from being a A TOTALLY UNPREDICTABLE AND SHOCKING DEVELOPMENT.

Of course, if Ash Tyler the Human really is Voq the Klingon, then it raises the question of how he managed, in the space of three weeks, to not only alter his voice but also gain enough proficiency with the human language of English to be able to speak it with a North American accent, including idioms, inflections, etc. etc. I mean, I can buy there being some advanced technology to radically alter his physical attributes in a small space of time, maybe even some kind of rapid memory implantation, but an entire new way of speaking? An entire new way of thinking? In three weeks?

And how does L’Rell feel about getting half of her face disruptored off? Was her merely getting wounded part of the plan? Did they know that Lorca would suffer a sudden accuracy failure after vaporising two other Klingons with no difficulty just moments earlier? I mean, she personally interrupted Ash and Lorca’s escape attempt, which wasn’t even necessary: she could have merely been elsewhere on the ship during the escape. Intervening herself makes it 100% necessary for her to be violently incapacitated (and, as a reminder, SADISTICALLY FUCKING MUTILATED) in order for Voq’s plan to work.

Maybe it’ll be explained with the usual amount of detail and care that the series devotes to all of its other topics, i.e. none at all. We’ll see.


Mirror Mirror On The Wall, Who Is The Worst Captain Of Them All

(JUST KIDDING, OBVIOUSLY IT IS LORCA)

Lorca’s now pretty much the most evil Starfleet character we’ve ever seen. Even Sloan, of Section 31, could at least argue he was acting to preserve the Federation, regardless of how ruthless and unacceptable his methods were.

Lorca, on the other hand, has now been revealed to be motivated entirely by self-interest, attempting to sexually manipulate the otherwise-fantastic Admiral Cornwell into ignoring his obvious and plentiful personality disorders and later abandoning her to become at best a hostage of the Klingons and at worst, just another torture victim, which, bear in mind, just one week earlier was a fate he himself had endured. So, that’s pretty much unforgivable. Hell, the sex thing was unforgivable in its own right. Hell, everything else Lorca has done has been almost entirely unsympathetic and abominable.

narrowlorca

Given all the forced mirror imagery, the presence of Stavros’ mirror ghost (which, by the way, is absolutely not how mirrors work in any capacity), Lorca’s status as the lone survivor of a disaster, his awkwardness with former lover Cornwell, and the fact that at this point, it’s about the only explanation for Lorca’s behaviour that even comes close to being satisfying, it seems almost guaranteed that Lorca is a Mirror Universe version of himself. He even has an Evil Laboratory, full of Evil Weapons and Skulls in Display Cases, which is about as Mirror Universe as you can get.

Which, again, whatever, okay, fine, so he’s from the Mirror Universe. But there’s a problem.

The Mirror Universe makes no sense.

I mean, I know that most of the stuff in Star Trek makes little sense, but the Mirror Universe really makes no sense, even just from an in-Universe perspective.

Now don’t get me wrong, because I love the Mirror Universe episodes. They’re silly fun, and I don’t mean that in a derogatory way. They’re a brilliant chance for the regular cast to have a lot of fun twisting their usual roles around, and we, the audience, get to have fun with them. There’s nothing wrong with that, and the isolated MU episodes we get are great little diversions. They’re high-camp and brilliant.

But they still make no sense. As stand-alone episodes (or as their own separate little continuity in ‘Deep Space Nine’) they can present us with a story of their own, and move on before we have to think about any of it too much.

But when they’re folded into a series-long narrative that seems to be one of the main stories / themes of an entire show, Mirror Universe arcs are just too problematic. Here’s why:

The Mirror Universe is established in ‘Enterprise’ to have stemmed from a key change in how Zefram Cochrane handled First Contact with the Vulcans, which makes sense – the radical cultural differences would require a historical change to come about.

But that was multiple generations before most of our characters were even born. So with the “Prime” Starfleet focusing on peaceful exploration, and the other focused on aggressive expansion, for many decades, there’s hardly any chance that the parents of our characters would even meet. And if they did, and if they also eventually hooked up, it’s almost impossible that they would end up matching the same egg with the same sperm to produce the same person that we see in the show.

And even if that happened, with such different cultures, those two babies, genetically identical, would surely not share the same names? With such a drastic cultural difference, wouldn’t names be different too? And hell, wouldn’t the uniforms be different? Like, radically different? Because they’re made for different purposes, right? And the ships, surely they’d differ more than in their paint jobs – I mean, one’s built for long-term exploration, the other for outright war. They’d be completely different.

And even if all of that was the same, as it’s presented in the show, there’s still no way that the same babies would grow up to be the same people holding the same positions on the same ship. How would Mirror Spock happen to be Mirror Kirk’s first officer? How could Mirror Sulu, who’s the head of Mirror Security, still be sat at the mirror helm of the mirror ship?

And all of that is fine for one-off episodes. Like, it doesn’t have to make sense, because it’s just one episode, and it’s all for fun anyway. The main message of the original, ‘Mirror Mirror’, was to show, in Spock’s words, that:

“It was far easier for you, as civilised men, to behave like barbarians, than it was for them, as barbarians, to behave like civilised men.”

– Spock, on being asked how he could spot the Mirror Universe interlopers so quickly.

That’s a nice, simple point to make, and the episode works perfectly to demonstrate it.

But let’s look at that possibility in ‘Discovery’, shall we?

If it’s true that Lorca is indeed from the Mirror Universe, then all of the problems listed above become narrative issues not just for a single episode of silly fun, but for the whole series. It means that Star Trek really does present a universe separate from our own, because it means that things like genetics, cultural development, even language, all of those things fail to function in the same way that they do in reality.

And, again, that’s been the case before. From Next Gen’s ‘Genesis’, to Voyager’s interminable ‘Threshold’, and everything in between, Star Trek’s science has been, at best, ropey. But that was all with stuff that was actually fairly complex and niche and, again, was all contained within individual episodes.

And, to put my storyteller hat on again for a moment, getting Lorca revealed as a Mirror Universe version of himself is all well and good, but again, wouldn’t the more interesting story have been to have that revealed from the beginning? Like with Voq, show his struggles with integrating into this new universe in which he finds himself. That’s exactly what ‘Mirror Mirror’ did, as did DS9’s various MU episodes. It’s the cross between the “fish out of water” story and the “false identity” story, which can provide a load of narrative possibilities.

It would also have been interesting to see Lorca as just the “broken man”, as Cornwell described him, someone psychologically wounded by his ordeals in war, now struggling to cope with the situation in which he finds himself. I mean, it would be problematic, as it would suggest that people with mental health issues should be viewed as villains, but it would at least be a chance to revisit a topic that Trek has already dealt with (rather beautifully) before.

Sadly, though, neither of those offer up a potentially viral SUPER TWIST REVEAL OH MY GOD, and so we find ourselves here.


Will I be right? Will I be wrong? Who knows with this fucking flaming train wreck of a series. I’m sure there’s a good probability that I will end up with egg on my face by tomorrow evening (after the episode airs, and presumably proves me wrong with some amazing in-depth story development; I won’t just be eating egg for no reason, I’m a fucking vegan).